


Broken Hearts

by unofficialsherlockian



Category: Lewis (TV)
Genre: Episode: s03e4 Counter Culture Blues, Episode: s04e01 The Dead of Winter, vague references to the bad stuff at Crevecoeur
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-03
Updated: 2016-04-03
Packaged: 2018-05-30 22:37:10
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 656
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6445045
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/unofficialsherlockian/pseuds/unofficialsherlockian
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Lewis reflects on heartbreak in his life.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Broken Hearts

Hathaway asked Lewis after he'd talked to Mack how Mack was. The bassist of the band, one of the people who's careers Lewis had followed for a long time. And here Lewis'd been, able to meet him, and the man couldn't even remember he played bass.

"Broke what's left of my heart," Lewis said.

He thought on that statement later. Morse had broken his heart, in life and in death. Morse and his loneliness, his drinking, his habit of getting involved with women who were always, always in trouble. And his death. His death had broken Lewis's heart, one of the first serious breaks.

Val was next, his Val, he'd loved her more than anything. And she'd gone too, taken from him by a car. Years of not knowing had broken his heart over and over. And broken again when he'd faced the man who'd killed her. Broken again when Hathaway, damn Hathaway, had been afraid to tell him.

Hathaway broke his heart in so many ways. His secrets, his hints at god knows how many unhappy things he'd suffered in his life. His tendencies to drink alone...Lewis remembered his own days of that habit and tried his best to be a friend when his sergeant needed one. Hathaway and his lies over the Phoenix Killer case, his screams for Zoe Kenneth when he'd tried to go back to the flames to save her, his friend's face when Hathaway had awoken in the hospital (thank god he was alright). His face and tone when they'd found their first murder dressed to look like suicide together. Hathaway's face of concern as he bent over him after the squash injury.

But he thought since Val that nothing would jar his poor, stupid heart to such a mad ache again.

Until he'd seen Hathaway's face after he'd found the child in the Zelinsky case, after he'd stood outside the door to the gent's after he'd seen Hathaway rush in after they'd interviewed Zelinsky at the station, standing guard until Hathway came out, considerably paler, eyes red, and went in on the pretext of needing to pee. Nevermind that Hathaway probably knew that Lewis had stood guard so no one would walk in on the lad getting sick; neither of them mentioned it, after all.

Until he was seated next to Hathaway, facing red, angry, self-inflicted cuts on Briony's arms, until he was outside, Hathaway all but screaming, pleading with him "Can't you see what's going on there?!" And Lewis thought he did see...

Until he was standing in the summerhouse, looking at photos of children, listening to Paul's thoughts, looking out across the lawn to see Mortmaigne fishing. He thought for a long while about what Hathaway had screamed about, had been trying to hide here. And it made his heart still and his stomach cold and angry. And he had to make an effort not to lose his lunch. Even when he reached home that night, he didn't eat. Sat and thought long and hard. He didn't tell Laura. God knows he wanted to.

Until James had cried out in pain after the gunshot and he'd frozen until he saw him still standing, albeit doubled over in pain, but alive.

Until he was standing out with Hathaway, looking out at the lawns, trying to tell the boy it wasn't his fault, then and now, hoping, knowing, that James would understand what he meant by it. He would never ask, he vowed, but this was as close as he would get to.

His poor, stupid heart broke again when James said nothing of it. No snarky comment, no denial. "I'm the brains, obviously," Lewis said, as a light joke. James repeated "obviously" as if he was considering how true it was.

His heart had been broken more times over than he would like, by too many things, but sometimes he felt it was worth it for James Hathaway.

**Author's Note:**

> I half-subscribe to the reading that James was one of Mortmaigne's special kids. Dramatically I think it's good (as if he didn't have enough going on already). However some things within his character's narrative don't seem to support that (which could be written off as many things). So take this either way.  
> I'm on my second re-watch of the series this year and admiring how stupidly smart Lewis is. So here's another moment-based fic.


End file.
